How to share the hard stories

I wrote yesterday about my first crush(es). The story of Nicole is one my family and I tell over again, the story of Paul is one that’s never been told (until now).

I find that the untold stories are the ones most needing to be told.

How do we tell the hard stories, though?

The first step is to tell them to ourselves. To give ourselves permission to explore and experience them all over again. This part might bring up uncomfortable feelings. When that happens, I try to notice them and uncover what my feelings tell me about unmet needs. When I’m looking the discomfort square in the face, it’s less scary. In Everyday Activism, we develop a practice of journaling to tell our own story… to ourselves.

When I’ve rolled my own story around in my head and on paper, it’s time to set it free. To tell other people. Sometimes this is in a face-to-face conversation with another person, other times it’s on a stage to an audience, still other times it’s on video or written form… out to the public web.

This is where it gets tough, right?

 

 

In Everyday Activism, I write

I find that when I speak aloud to the intimate, scary parts of me, they become less scary. I’ve also found that people react positively, not negatively. They’re inspired by my courage and vulnerability. Sometimes they share something back with me.

It’s not all cheery. When I told my parents that I am gay, they were sad, confused, unhappy, and awkward (they’re wonderful and accepting now).

The first step is the simplest and the most difficult: simply start.

Photo from Out In The Open: Stories of Queer Oppression & Empowerment. Performed at The Barrow Group Theater.