What Do You Take For Granted

This morning, I rose from bed, walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I pulled out my pitcher of water and poured a cold glass. I start most mornings with a glass of cold water. Then I turned on the hot water in the shower, grabbed a towel, and by the time I was back, it was warm.

Some mornings, the water isn’t hot right away. Sometimes it takes a few minutes to warm up. I stand by the shower, tapping my foot, arm outstretched under the stream, waiting for the water to finally heat up.

I realize, I take for granted that my refrigerator will be cold and my shower hot.

Growing up, my mom taught me that white people (which we both are) inherently benefit from racism—the racism of the past which allowed our families to succeed and the racism of the present. I understood, I thought, but it was only in a generalized way. Sure, I can look at statistics and see that white people control a disproportionate amount of income and wealth in this country, and that people of color face lower wages, greater exposure to poverty, and increased policing. Until five years ago, though, I never stopped to see myself in that picture.

It’s not just that “white people” benefit from the US’s historical and on-going of racial discrimination; I benefit from it. I had been taking my whiteness for granted. I’ve taken my maleness for granted too. And that I am cisgender (not transgender). I took for granted that I went to a public school without fear of violence, where teachers believed in me, and where I had ample access to technology, sports, and the arts.

I took voice lessons for 6 months my senior year of high school. During my first lesson, my teacher asked me “Which foot do you put forward when you step up the stairs?” I didn’t know, “Either?” I replied. She insisted I always stepped with one, I just had never paid attention. Which way do you part your hair? Which direction do you face when washing your hair? How do you sit in a chair? (Ah… the connection to voice was beginning to make sense).

How much of your time each day is spent out of habit?

When I practice noticing the small things in my life: what time do I naturally wake up? am I thirsty? what do I order from my favorite restaurant down the street? I attune myself to the myriad of choices that I face each day. I practice noticing the larger things: who is stopped by the police outside the subway? how much does the woman who replaced me at work make? why am I pursuing my career path?

Today, I try to look for the things I am taking for granted. It’s hard “to know what you don’t know.” That makes the effort all the more important, for me. Sometimes, I feel defensive when a friend points out an area of my life I have been taking for granted. “I have it all together!” I want to think. Sometimes I feel judged. So first, I practice simply noticing.

I want to know, what did you take for granted today? Would you consider letting me know?

P.S. If my writing resonates with you, I would appreciate it if would you share it with a friend (or two).

Photo by Andrew Magil