Passion & Paying The Bills: Living A Life of Meaning & Joy

Today, the story of marrying passion and paying the bills. This is my story, the steps I took (and didn’t), what worked (and didn’t), what I learned along the way (and am still learning). I invite you into this journey with me. Take notice of what resonates with you, take notice of the places you find tension, pick what works, and ditch what doesn’t. The goal is not for you to follow in my footsteps but to find your own steady footing. And if my stumbles and strides can be useful to you along the way, excellent. Off we go.

Confession: I have never had an internship

As a film student, “the thing you do” is take an internship at an agency or production company. You spend hours every day writing “coverage.”¹  You burn through dozens of scripts it’s week. Most of them are crappy. It’s mind-numbing. I’ve not met a person who enjoyed doing coverage (and for free!).

Instead, my second semester of college, I started volunteering at our college television station. By my sophomore year I was getting paid to work on professional shoots. My junior year? I was a manager. My last semester in college, ION Media Networks contracted us and hired me to produce a pilot for their network. I ended up making more money than the station’s General Manager.

If you’re familiar with my work, you know what comes next: I graduated a semester early and spent the time on the second Soulforce Equality Ride, criss-crossing the country visiting the most anti-LGBT places in the country (secret: one of those places is located in Malibu, CA, another is in Seattle, WA; so much for urban, accepting utopias).

On the Equality Ride, I met Haven Herrin, my co-director turned mentor turned friend and conspirator. We still work together and Skype regularly to dream of a new world and then scheme on how to bring it into existence.

When I returned from Equality Ride, I was asked to interview for a job at a children’s television network. It was the perfect hybrid of a “regular job” and something with meaning (our programming promoted pro-social values, healthy minds, and healthy bodies). Two years later, I’d worked with the president to build out our programming and increase the quality of the shows. I’d met my personal and professional goals and the network was prepared to carry on without me so we parted ways. (I did come back once or twice a week for a few months to help smooth the transition. And I still visit when I’m in the neighborhood.)

In 2009, I struck out on my own. Working for myself enabled me to work on projects I was passionate about. It gave me the flexibility to travel and speak. Getting on the ground and interacting with passionate young adults energizes me more than the coffee I don’t drink. Web design funded much of my activism. Multipotentialite perfection.

That what has been working for me. Jamie Boschan reminds me (often) that not everyone wants to or is able to work for themselves. 

When I began to pursue my passions (some of which involve positively impacting the world), I held some ideas in my head about what that looked like. Some of those proved to be true, but many of them got in my way. I’ve had to unlearn some things and learn some others. Here are some myths I uncovered along the way.

• Meaningful work only happens within non-profits
• You should feel bad for making “a lot” of money and “a lot” of money falls is anything above the poverty line.
• Working for a non-profit always comes with job insecurity
• Working for a company is never personally fulfilling
• We’re working to create something in the future, not something right now

In May 2009, I spent some time with Haven at their house in St. Paul, Minnesota. I sat on the front porch and ate cherries. We chatted about non-violent activism and the reality of violent conflict over quinoa, black beans, and blanched kale. I purchased Gandhi’s autobiography from a local bookstore. At the time, I was feeling conflicted over working for a television network. I wanted to work for a non-profit. Haven’s roommate (who was working for a non-profit at the time) reminded me that everyone in America (and most of the world, for that matter) is still operating under capitalism.

Non-profits get tax breaks, anarchists use public water.

It’s not about changing your external circumstances nor finding the ideal environment. Instead, it’s about creating change in yourself and staking a claim for a better world wherever you are. From that moment, I made sure that I talked to my co-workers about the transgender day of remembrance and insisted (unsuccessfully) that qubo and ION add sexual orientation and gender identity to their non-discrimination policies.

We are building the future right now. Every action that you take today creates the world of tomorrow. Act with intention.

Here is the truth: in order to take care of the world, you need to take care of yourself first.

“Love your neighbor as yourself” only works if you are loving yourself. Friends of mine in Alcoholics Anonymous remind me that without their recovery, they can’t be useful to anyone else. Putting anything or anyone in front of their recovery ultimately jeopardizes the very thing or person they set out to aid. The same is true for all of us: we are useless if we don’t care for ourselves. (Pro-tip: Dig into Allyson Robinson’s self-care worksheet).

I found that my work is infinitely more effective and rewarding when I take care of myself. When I pay the rent on time, when I have plenty of healthy food in my kitchen, when I have weather and occasion appropriate clothes, when the tools I need for work function properly. Sometimes I buy new pants or shirts or electronics or books or movies.  Oftentimes I feel selfish and indulgent. At my best, I lean into that tension: do I need this? Will I regret this? Why do I want this? Why do I feel apprehensive?

I struck a deal with myself: I will work on projects that I am passionate about, I will make enough to pay the bills, I will take care of my needs, and I will be kind to myself.

I don’t have a bullet point solution list to share with you. Here are some permissions I gave myself. Perhaps you need to give yourself permission here too. Perhaps you need to discover areas where you still need to give yourself permission.

No project or client is perfect. I can work with people I admire, people I like, people who will help me grow, people with potential who I can help. I can work on projects I’m passionate about, projects I think are awesome and effective, projects that pay well, projects that make me feel good. In every interaction I will ask who is present and who is not. I will ask why and why not. I’ll look to see if I am part of the reason people are or are not present. I’ll do something to change who and who isn’t present when I can.

I don’t have all the answers. I will ask friends and mentors for input and advice regularly. I will evaluate (and reevaluate) how I am spending my time, energy, and money.

Most importantly, I will be OK with not having all the answers and with making adjustments.

As I live every day in alignment with my values and spend my time in ways that matter, I realize a few things.

First, entrepreneurship has been a powerful force to open up the world and give me the widest range of possibility I’ve ever experienced. Entrepreneurship is an act of resistance against a status quo that wants us to uncritically participate in an unjust society.

Second, I get the opportunity to be the change I wish to see right now. I didn’t need to wait until I left qubo to start. I don’t need to wait until I build my business to a certain level. My ability to create positive social good is not limited by career. I can work for a non-profit tomorrow if the right opportunity presents itself. I can take a job waiting tables to pay the bills if I need to. I will not be a sell-out or a traitor. I can make a difference where I find myself. And I will do exactly what I need to in order to take care of myself and make a difference.

I want to hear from you: how have you balanced (or merged!) your passion and paying the bills?

If you enjoyed this article, share it with a friend. Use whatever medium or network makes sense for you.

—

Photo by Morgan