Press Pause

What we think of as the past is only a present memory, and what we think of as the future is a projection of the present. - Sakyong Mipham, Ruling Your World

Each morning, I journal. I tell myself stories of the past day, I wonder on paper what tomorrow will hold. As a business owner, I create plans and projections. Each month, Asher and I print more Legalize Trans* shirts because we think people will continue to buy them.

I have journaled daily for the past two months. Three days ago, I read through some of the past entries for the first time. Before, I would write and release. I saved the entries, but I never revisited them. Then, as I sat reading through them, I saw myself clearly. The words were even more true than when I’d written them. In reading, I met my need for presence and clarity.

If I am not careful, though, I will live in my head.

I could journal for hours, look through old photographs, listen on endless loop to the playlist that my very first boyfriend made me, analyze the effectiveness of recent business endeavors. I could jot down a Dream List, create a new budget, plan my dream wedding.

Sometimes for me, living in the past or the future is easier than living in the present.

When I worked from home, I needed to consciously choose to leave the house each day (now, I go to an office during the week).  I wrote parts of Entrepreneurship As An Act of Resistance from Madison Square Park, I took up midday yoga.

As I develop a pattern for my life, I realize that I still need to consciously choose my actions. It would be easy to wake up in the morning to meditate, eat breakfast, and exercise without much appreciation for the infinite choices that lay before me. I can go to work, and do my job well, and come home, and nap or exercise or spend time with friends or work on personal projects or something else all together. It is easy to settle into routine.

Is my routine meeting my needs?

As I look over the list of needs, I allow my heart to tug at me. Which, if any, needs are unfulfilled (or under-filled)? When I find them, it’s time to Press Pause and meet those needs. The playlist will be there when I return, as will the five-year plan (I love multi-year plans).

It’s important for me to remember The Now. To experience it, to live into it, to revel in it.

What are you reveling in right now? (Would you consider letting me know?)