As you most certainly know, we are in the midst of a pandemic that hase changed everything about the way that we go about our day-to-day lives. Sex, dating and relationships are part of that change.
Everything looks different than it ever used to look before. That doesn’t mean though that we have to wither away and just wait for this to pass. If you want, you can keep up your sex, dating and relationship life.
In fact, now is an exciting time to do that and so today I’m gonna cover some ways that we can date in the midst of COVID-19. Whether you’re single, dating or in a longterm relationship, I’ve got something for you today.
Before we get started, an important disclaimer: if you’re not in the mood for sex and dating in the midst of all this, that is totally okay.
Whether you’re worried about losing a job or taking care of a sick family member or any number of other understandable stressors right now, if it’s just too much and you’re not in the mood: A-okay.
But… if you’re wanting to keep a love alive in this moment, I have got a few tips to help you do that.
If you were seeing someone before all of this started…
… the number one thing to do is to keep talking and to keep dating. So talk on the phone, schedule Skype dates, maybe meet up for a six feet apart hike or walk together. In the midst of these scary and uncertain times this can be an opportunity for you to show your compassion and your care and consideration for each other but also make sure to keep that sexy spark alive.
You don’t always want to be talking just about the pandemic or slip into exclusively caretaking roles.
Find ways to have a little fun in the midst of all of this.
If you’re single…
…obviously meeting guys out in the real world is just not an option anymore. Online dating is gonna be the name of the game for a little while and the vibe on the apps is going to be different right now than it has been in the past. It’s going to be much less hookup focused because hooking up is not something that most people are doing right now, depending on your perspective that will be a good or a bad thing. The apps in general might also be a little bit slower pace. That’s definitely something that I’m noticing since most people are not going out and meeting up right now for dates or for hookups. There’s just less of a time sensitiveness to it and so that like flurry of back and forth is a bit slowed down which can be nice in its own way. Just sort of be prepared for that. Things might move at a bit of a slower pace and you don’t need to take that personally.
In fact, that slower pace can work to your advantage.
Use this moment to really focus on making connections, getting to know the person, not just like, do you want kids? Or like, what’s your career? But also getting to know each other in a sexual way via digital. Because of that slower pace on the app and people checking in less frequently, once you’ve made a connection with someone or there’s a spark there, take it off of the app, switch to text or to Kik, to FaceTime, to Skype, any number of different ways.
I have some friends and clients that have gone on first dates on Zoom or Skype and then even second and third dates. Video chatting is a viable option to getting to know each other: pour yourselves a drink or a seltzer or soda or make some food and have a date together just virtually.
If cyber sex and webcamming is something that is exciting for you. Feel free to do that if he’s into it also, there’s nothing wrong with starting a relationship out on a more sexual vibe, sex and romance and commitment are all important parts of a healthy and fulfilling relationship. So, get off.
Remember there’s no wrong way to do any of this and there’s not really a script for any of this. Just keep checking in with yourself:
Do I feel good?
Is this feeding me?
Am I being respectful and considerate?
Do I feel like I’m being taken care of in the midst of all this?
If you’re having fun and the other person is having fun or the other people are having fun, great. Keep going!
If you’re in a relationship and you’re living with your partner and you’re social distancing together…
… then in many ways, you’re in sort of a lucky spot because you get to have that in real life, in-person connection with the person that you’re dating but social distancing and being in the midst of this pandemic is stressful AF and so you’re gonna have your own set of challenges.
If you find yourself getting really scared or anxious about what’s going on in the world or maybe you’re going a little stir crazy from being cooped up and not being able to get outside or interact with other people, naming that and saying like, “This is stressful and here are the things that I’m stressed about” or, “Here are the things that I’m worried about, here are the things that I’m anxious about.”
Simply naming those things can help to take a bit of pressure off the situation.
Maybe even say to your partner, “Hey, I don’t want you to try and solve this for me, I just want you to listen and to hear me.” Even that is powerful
My biggest tip for couples living together is to schedule date nights.
Since you’re with someone all the time, you might think that you need to schedule a date night. However, actually scheduling a date night is so much more important right now. This way you can have time set aside to be just for your relationship. Not working from home time or stressing about Coronavirus time or figuring out the laundry schedule or what you’re gonna do for food — keep it free from the daily distractions of life.
You wanna really protect time that’s for your relationship, to be romantic, to be sexy and so this can be an opportunity to remember the early days of dating and so schedule a time and maybe get ready separately, put on a nice outfit, shower, wear some cologne, wear some sexy underwear.
Make it like dating your partner even though you’re together 24/7 now.
And finally, for everyone…
… spend some time working on yourself. A key part of every relationship that you will ever be in is you, who are you? And how do you show up in those relationships? So take some time to work on yourself and that will pay off in dividends.
How could you do that? You could journal, meditate, you could masturbate, you could pick up a new hobby. Spend some time getting to know yourself and developing yourself so that you have an understanding of who you are and that will serve you so much in every relationship that you’re going to be in and so that you’re an interesting full person who can show up and be a part of the relationship that you’re in or whatever dates you might be heading into.
Want to get those each week (plus some occasional, more private thoughts on sex & relationships)? I’d love to keep in touch. Drop your email address below and I’ll keep you in the loop!
P.S. hit reply to any email from me to start a conversation!