Articles & Videos
Each week, I publish a new video that gives guys like myself the tools and information we need to build the relationships that are right for us; whether that’s monogamous, monogam-ish, open, polyamorous or something else entirely.
Want to get those each week (plus some occasional, more private thoughts on sex & relationships)? I’d love to keep in touch. Drop your email address below and I’ll keep you in the loop!
P.S. hit reply to any email from me to start a conversation!
Recent Articles & Videos
Needs vs Tactics-
Sometimes will use their "needs" to manipulate people. If someone NEEDS something how can you say no? Here's the difference between a need and tactic and why it matters:
What is a boundary?- Is your boyfriend doing something that they don’t like and they can’t get him to stop. Friends and clients will often ask “How can I set and enforce a boundary to make my boyfriend do what I want?” That’s not how it works, exactly, but there is something you can do so that, no matter […]
Why I opened my relationship- I hear some variation of those questions just about every day: Why would anyone be in an open relationship? What’s the point of even being in a relationship then? I’ve been in a relationship with my partner Peter for 10 years now and we’ve had an open relationship for just about nine of those years. […]
Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back- Being in love is a helluva drug. I like being in love and I’m sure you do too. And I can remember sooooo many times when I was pining after a guy who just wasn’t returning my affection. So what do you do when you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? I’ve […]
When & How to talk about STIs- When it comes to hooking up and STDs, some ways of talking about it are more better than others, but I think even asking when your prospective playmate was lasted tested isn’t the most helpful. Gay guys have been told that we’re extra at risk for HIV and STIs and that gay sex is riskier […]
4 Reasons to NOT Open Your Relationship- Deciding whether or not to open your relationship is a big and important decision. While there are lots of good reasons to open your relationship, there are also some reasons why you SHOULDN'T open your relationship.
A Brief History of Gay Cruising- These days lots of gay guys are using Grindr for hooking up. But we didn't always have sex available at our fingertips. For centuries (or longer!) gay and bi guys have found ways to connect with each other, even when doing so was illegal. Most of us don't come from queer families and so we don't learn our LGBTQ history at home. So, I set out to uncover the ways that gay and bisexual guys have met each other for friendship and sex.
In defense of casual gay sex…- I get messages from guys pretty regularly asking some variation of “is it ok to have casual sex?” “I really like hooking up, is that ok?” “I have sex with my friends, is that normal?” Not only do I think casual sex among gay guys is a common and OK thing … in my experience, […]
6 Signs of a Healthy Gay Relationship- Everyone wants a healthy relationship, but the sad truth is that a staggering amount of them aren’t. Somewhere between 30 and 60% of folks in marriages will cheat at some point. Six out of 10 people in relationships aren’t happy in their relationship and searches for signs of a toxic relationship have been steadily increasing […]
My Relationship Communication Mistakes- No matter how much you read, watch, and practice communicating well with your boyfriend, sometimes you're going to mess up. In this video, I share my gay relationship communication mistakes so that you can learn from me and hopefully not make the same mistakes yourself.
How to use “I Statements” for Conflict Resolution- There’s one small change that I’ve made to the way I talk with my boyfriend that has made soooooooo much difference. Like, seriously, this one small change is responsible for so many good things. It’s this: Use I Statements
4 Books That Will Help Your Relationship (that you aren’t thinking about)- If you’re trying to build a healthy open relationship or polyamorous relationship, you may have already come across the “big name” resources out there — The Ethical Slut, More Than Two, Multiamor,y, etc. etc. While those have all been helpful for me, there have been four books that have been at least as helpful as […]
My Top 6 Open Relationship & Polyamory Resources- When I first started exploring open relationships, there were not nearly as many resources as there are today. I’ve read, watched, and listened to dozens and dozens — the good, the bad, and the strange so that you don’t have to — and today I want to share my top 6.
Q&A: I’m anxious with my new open relationship- My first ever gay relationship advice Q&A video! A viewer wrote in an asked about feeling anxious, insecure, or jealous in an open relationship. It’s his first time being in a gay open relationship while his boyfriend has been in open relationships in the past. He’s looking for some tactics on how he can work […]
Is there any good to Grindr and gay hookup apps?- Grindr gets a bad reputation from a lot of gay guys but I think a lot of good can come from Grindr. Today, let's look at is there any good in Grindr and other gay hookup apps or is Grindr toxic? How you can use Grindr for friendship, and my own story of how a Grindr hookup turned into one of my best friends.
Open Relationship Rules- If you’re thinking about an open relationship, you might be looking for some open relationship or open marriage ground rules. And I get it, you want to make suer that you’re being thoughtful, that you’re protecting your relationship, and that you’re minimizing the opportunities for harm. Let’s dive into the dos and don’ts of open […]
Can gay guys be committed?- Is there a lack of commitment in gay relationships? Are gay guys who want an open relationship scared of commitment? The idea that gay men can’t be committed used to be accusation that anti-LGBT people used to deny us rights and recognition (and tbh it still is sometimes). But increasingly, I’m hearing more and more […]
Asking for what you want in a relationship- Asking for what you want and need in a relationship can be SUPER SCARY. If you follow this process though, it might make the experience a bit easier for you (and your boyfriend!)
What do you need in a relationship?- No one likes to be needy but we all do have needs and it’s important that you get what you need in your relationship. That’s what I want to offer today: some help in figuring out what your needs are and the first step in getting those needs met. If you not getting your needs […]
How to use a feelings list for better communication in your relationship- Really intense emotions are often portrayed in the media as sexy and desirable and I mean we want to feel something in a relationship that's like a big part of the point but really big feelings can get in the way of healthy communication if you're not careful. If you want better communication in your relationship, I'm going to share the one tool that is most useful for me.