Articles & Videos - Brian Gerald Murphy

Articles & Videos

Each week, I publish a new video that gives guys like myself the tools and information we need to build the relationships that are right for us; whether that’s monogamous, monogam-ish, open, polyamorous or something else entirely.

Want to get those each week (plus some occasional, more private thoughts on sex & relationships)? I’d love to keep in touch. Drop your email address below and I’ll keep you in the loop!

P.S. hit reply to any email from me to start a conversation! 

Recent Articles & Videos

Open Relationship v Polyamory: What’s the difference?- If you want to be in a relationship that doesn’t quite fit the monogamy mold, you’ve probably come across both the ideas of both “open relationship” and “polyamory” … what’s the difference between them and which one is right for you? Polyamory and open relationship are two BIG umbrella terms in the ways folks structure […]
Open Relationship Myths- I've heard A LOT of misconceptions about open relationships. Here are some of the most common (and most frustrating). Whether you want to open your relationship, are asking "Should I be in an open relationship?", are dating someone in an open relationship or love someone who is... debunknig these myths will help you understand open and polyamorous relationships better (and maybe even consider if one might be right for you)
How journaling can improve your relationship- Journaling has been HUGE for me in finding, maintaining, and growing healthy relationships. Here's the how and why of how it's helpful, and how you can get started in using journaling to improve your relationsip.
How you’re ‘supposed’ to feel in a relationship- When you're in a relationship, you get all sorts of messages about how you're "supposed" to feel. But the truth is, we don't always feel the way we're "supposed" to feel. And that's ok. I explore and unpack a few relationship messages you might have heard, how those differ slightly depending on your relationship structure, and what to do if how you're feeling runs against the grain.
7 Tips for Dealing with Uncomfortable Feelings in a Relationship- Figuring out how to cope with uncomfortable feelings in a healthy and productive way has taken me yearrrrs to figure out (and it’s still an imperfect practice). Here are 7 of my go-to practices to help with that process
Good vs Bad Feelings- When you ask someone how they're doing, more often than not you get some variation of "good," "ok," or "not so good" (aka bad). We've collapsed the whole range of human experience to "good," "indifferent," and "bad." But is that helpful?
Jealousy is a choice- Jealousy is a choice. That sickening, heart-stopping, hair-raising, kick-in-the-stomach flash of white hot emotion you feel? That might be an uncontrollable response but to stay jealous, to be jealous… that’s a choice. Don’t choose it.
Love Is Abundant, Time & Attention Are Not- Beyonce and I might both have 24 hours in a day but there are still only 24 hours in a day.
The Myths of Monogamy- Monogamy is pulling a fast one on us… Which is not to say that monogamous relationships don’t work (they do), but instead monogamy promises things that it can’t deliver.
What happened when I met the man of my dreams- I met the man of my dreams in the middle of the night on the corner of 7th Street and Avenue A. (Ok, I him on Grindr and then we met on the corner of 7th Street and Avenue A) When I say man of my dreams, I swear to God I mean it. The […]
A 5-word question that will transform your relationship- When you want to do something and you have a feeling your partner isn’t going to be too thrilled about it, how do you act?
Working Out Relationships: What health & fitness taught me about relationships- With fitness, there’s no one exercise or one meal you can eat that will suddenly change your body.
What promiscuity taught me about God’s love- I wrote this as part of Queer Theology’s 2015 Synchroblog on Sex & Bodies. Check out all the entries here. I learned about agape, God’s self-sacrificing love from a hookup. Actually, a few hookups. Actually, a lot of hookups. I could count, but we might be here awhile. I think a better use of our […]
What Gay Porn Taught Me About Faith- It was easier to pretend that I was straight before I looked at gay porn. That’s when it all came crashing down. Before then, I could brush it off. I was just excited to make a new friend, I was just looking for new clothes in the catalogue, or I was being a good Christian […]
The first crush I never had- My parents tell a story, of my first crush. Nicole. She lived around the corner from us. In elementary school, my favorite subjects were math and science and I was good at them. Yet somehow, in the spring of fourth grade, every day while working on my homework, I would completely loose my ability to […]
Fred Phelps is my hero- God hates fags. Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church turned “God hates fags” into a worldwide-recognized slogan. It is the epitome of homophobia in America. Fred Phelps is the quintessential anti-gay Christian. Fred Phelps is also grossly misunderstood.
Will all LGBT people be judged by my actions?- I lost track of the number of people for whom I was the first openly gay person they knew and talked with. I put myself on the line with the hope and knowledge that bold action (with a little creative agitation) is what changes the world. Stories transform and liberate. They are powerful, earthshaking and […]
Gay & attracted to women?- I had the inklings that I was attracted to other guys for a long time. Before I even had the words for it, probably. The first time I met one of my good friends in elementary school, I knew I wanted to be friends with him. Was it a crush or was it just me […]
Five Awesome Things Straight People Can Do- It’s interesting, and perhaps fitting, that while my recent 8 Things I Don’t Need to Hear From Straight People article was making its way around my friend network and the internet in general, one particular straight guy was reacting really poorly to being called out on his straight privilege and hurtful words. His behavior stood in stark […]
Eight Things I Don’t Need to Hear From Straight People- Over the years, well-intentioned folks have said a whole host of things that are not helpful and are in fact damaging. If you are a well-intentioned straight person: thank you! I really truly appreciate your good intentions. It is because I appreciate your intentions that I’m composing this post: now you don’t have to accidentally […]