Articles & Videos - Brian Gerald Murphy

Articles & Videos

Each week, I publish a new video that gives guys like myself the tools and information we need to build the relationships that are right for us; whether that’s monogamous, monogam-ish, open, polyamorous or something else entirely.

Want to get those each week (plus some occasional, more private thoughts on sex & relationships)? I’d love to keep in touch. Drop your email address below and I’ll keep you in the loop!

P.S. hit reply to any email from me to start a conversation! 

Recent Articles & Videos

Can gay guys be committed?- Is there a lack of commitment in gay relationships? Are gay guys who want an open relationship scared of commitment? The idea that gay men can’t be committed used to be accusation that anti-LGBT people used to deny us rights and recognition (and tbh it still is sometimes). But increasingly, I’m hearing more and more […]
Asking for what you want in a relationship- Asking for what you want and need in a relationship can be SUPER SCARY. If you follow this process though, it might make the experience a bit easier for you (and your boyfriend!)
What do you need in a relationship?- No one likes to be needy but we all do have needs and it’s important that you get what you need in your relationship. That’s what I want to offer today: some help in figuring out what your needs are and the first step in getting those needs met. If you not getting your needs […]
How to use a feelings list for better communication in your relationship- Really intense emotions are often portrayed in the media as sexy and desirable and I mean we want to feel something in a relationship that's like a big part of the point but really big feelings can get in the way of healthy communication if you're not careful. If you want better communication in your relationship, I'm going to share the one tool that is most useful for me.
“Boyfriend makes me feel…” What to do.- Have you ever thought “My boyfriend makes me feel so….”? Does he boyfriend make you feel insecure? Jealous? Angry? If so, I’ve got one thing you can do right now to address your issues…. and it starts with you. In this video, I share how the first step in nonviolent communication can help put you […]
What happened when I met the man of my dreams- I met the man of my dreams in the middle of the night on the corner of 7th Street and Avenue A. (Ok, I him on Grindr and then we met on the corner of 7th Street and Avenue A) When I say man of my dreams, I swear to God I mean it. The […]
5 tips for dating a guy in an open relationship- What if you're out there living your best single life, not even thinking about open or polyamorous relationships, and then, BAM!, you meet someone and you really hit it off and you find out that he's already in a relationship? I've got you covered with 5 tips to get you started on the right foot.
Is an open relationship right for me?- There’s all sorts of reasons why you might wonder, “Is an open relationship right for me?” Maybe your boyfriend asked to open your relationship. Maybe you met a guy that conference and even though you have a boyfriend, you can’t stop thinking about him. Maybe the cute guy you met on Tinder already has a […]
Is porn cheating? (What is monogamy?)- Is it cheating to watch porn while you’re in a relationship? I’m sure you have an immediate, decisive answer to that question. And someone else has an equally immediate, equally decisive answer that is the opposite of yours. Asking this question gets to the heart of the question of what is and is not cheating. […]
Open Relationship v Polyamory: What’s the difference?- If you want to be in a relationship that doesn’t quite fit the monogamy mold, you’ve probably come across both the ideas of both “open relationship” and “polyamory” … what’s the difference between them and which one is right for you? Polyamory and open relationship are two BIG umbrella terms in the ways folks structure […]
Open Relationship Myths- I've heard A LOT of misconceptions about open relationships. Here are some of the most common (and most frustrating). Whether you want to open your relationship, are asking "Should I be in an open relationship?", are dating someone in an open relationship or love someone who is... debunknig these myths will help you understand open and polyamorous relationships better (and maybe even consider if one might be right for you)
How journaling can improve your relationship- Journaling has been HUGE for me in finding, maintaining, and growing healthy relationships. Here's the how and why of how it's helpful, and how you can get started in using journaling to improve your relationsip.
How you’re ‘supposed’ to feel in a relationship- When you're in a relationship, you get all sorts of messages about how you're "supposed" to feel. But the truth is, we don't always feel the way we're "supposed" to feel. And that's ok. I explore and unpack a few relationship messages you might have heard, how those differ slightly depending on your relationship structure, and what to do if how you're feeling runs against the grain.
7 Tips for Dealing with Uncomfortable Feelings in a Relationship- Figuring out how to cope with uncomfortable feelings in a healthy and productive way has taken me yearrrrs to figure out (and it’s still an imperfect practice). Here are 7 of my go-to practices to help with that process
Good vs Bad Feelings- When you ask someone how they're doing, more often than not you get some variation of "good," "ok," or "not so good" (aka bad). We've collapsed the whole range of human experience to "good," "indifferent," and "bad." But is that helpful?
Jealousy is a choice- Jealousy is a choice. That sickening, heart-stopping, hair-raising, kick-in-the-stomach flash of white hot emotion you feel? That might be an uncontrollable response but to stay jealous, to be jealous… that’s a choice. Don’t choose it.
Love Is Abundant, Time & Attention Are Not- Beyonce and I might both have 24 hours in a day but there are still only 24 hours in a day.
The Myths of Monogamy- Monogamy is pulling a fast one on us… Which is not to say that monogamous relationships don’t work (they do), but instead monogamy promises things that it can’t deliver.
A 5-word question that will transform your relationship- When you want to do something and you have a feeling your partner isn’t going to be too thrilled about it, how do you act?
Working Out Relationships: What health & fitness taught me about relationships- With fitness, there’s no one exercise or one meal you can eat that will suddenly change your body.